A baby shower and a wedding

What a weekend! I was realizing how blessed I am to have so many wonderful people that I love so much. It was great to get to spend time with almost all my favorite people. So much fun, but so many emotions to process as well, and we all know that I am not good at doing that. Lots of emotions came up with lthe thoughts of leaving these people.

I took a half day at school on Friday and went and met Joanna and Taylor to drive up to Breckenridge for Micah and Betsy's wedding on Saturday afternoon. So fun being in such a pretty place and we drank lots and lots of coffee. I could sit with Joanna and Taylor all day long at Starbucks and just sit and talk and enjoy each others company and that is what we did.

The wedding was a lot of fun and I got to see so many people that I haven't seen in such a long time. And I got to hang out with some of my most favorite people in the world, at the same time. (But Joanna and Taylor, you aren't allowed to be friends with Susan and Al because they are going to try and convince you to move to Denver)

Sunday, we had a baby shower for my friend Callie, and her baby Clara! So fun to see her and to get to feel the baby kick. I can't believe that she is a mom and has a real human growing inside her. These girls are some of my favorite people ever and I love getting to see how our relationships have grown over the years since high school. I love them dearly and am so thankful for them.

All this seeing friends and feeling so blessed by these people has made me feel really sad again to be leaving these people and the overwhelming thought of starting over with finding a community. I was fine the whole weekend, until I got in the car to come back home and the tears wouldn't stop. I want to live in the same place as my friends, I want to be around to celebrate special occasion, I want to be Aunty Sarah to their babies, and to be there in the daily struggles of life.

I feel a strong tug in my heart of desiring this community and wanting to stay where it is safe, and knowing that living in community is a good thing. But I also have this strong feeling of knowing that my life is going to be different and I do long and thirst for this kind of adventure, and know that this is the direction that the Lord is leading me, and that living in Colorado would not be fulfilling like I think it will be if I am not obeying.

I also don't want to do it alone. That scares me. And to be completly honest, and put my feeling out there, I think the fact of doing it alone was maginfied by having gone to a wedding and a baby shower. A totally different stage of life, but one that I also really desire, but don't see coming in the near future.

As I was driving back from Denver, I was listening to the song "Inside Out," and was struck by a line that says, "let justice and praise, become my embrace..."

It never says that my own happiness or desires should be my embrace, instead justice- serving and fighting for the rights of those who are oppressed, and praise-praising our Savior through the way I live my life.

And I know that both of those will be done through my going to Sierra Leone. So it is here that I sit wrestling with these thoughts and emotions, knowing that following Jesus is worth it.