2 by 2

I realize about myself that I am not a good processor. I have a lot of thoughts that swirl around in my head and I don't take the time to think through them. I used to be an oral processor and have to talk everything out, but lately that has become very hard for me to do. I love writing down my thoughts and having them on paper, but I don't alway take the time to journal. I think that blogging is good for me because I know that other people will read it, so I actually take the time to think through what I write. Of course, not everything I think I want everyone to be able to read. In fact, I don't even know if I will post this, but right now I am just writing for me. I am not very good about really sharing what is going on inside my head with people.

I have been going to a house church started by some friends from JBU. It has been really good for me to think through issues and to learn from others that have taken a lot of time to think through things.

Tonight, we talked about how the Lord sent his disciples out two by two to different parts of the world to spread his good news and how they were to find a house of peace and to stay there and to spread the love of God. This is what the house church network is striving to do, especially to the urban poor of Denver. I think that this is such a beautiful model of how God's redemption can be lived out.

As they were talking, my heart felt so drawn to what is being said and how they were talking about their vision being that every neighborhood in Denver could have a church within walking distance from their house. I love that. Think that is exactly what the Lord has called us to do.

Here is the passage from Luke that was mentioned
After this the Lord appointed seventy-two[a] others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

I want to do this with my life whether it be here in Denver or in Sierra Leone, or wherever the Lord puts me. I feel like this year this is what I wanted to do with the refugee community, but I feel like I am missing a part of what is necessary to go out and do this: the 2 by 2 part. I long to have someone that wants to share in ministry and to go out and live that. I don't think that it is healthy to enter into ministry on your own. We were created to work together and to support one another. I feel like I have prayed for a friend to come alongside to share in the passions that I have been given, but none has come. This frustrates me. I feel like a I am ready and willing to go out and serve, but I don't want to do it alone.

Why is this? Have I made this view of ministry an idol in my life and I am not really seeking what the Lord is wanting me to do? Am I allowing this to be an excuse for not doing things that I need to do? Are there other factors that I don't even realize that are effecting my view of ministry? Does the Lord just want me in a waiting period right now? But if I am in that waiting period, do I just sit and wait, which seems to hard when the Lord is saying that the harvest is plenty but the workers are few? Do I just begin and hope that somewhere along the line, the Lord brings a ministry partner?

Sometimes I feel a little lost. I think that being in Sierra Leone has left me one confused girl who doesn't know what direction life is headed or how to serve and love the Lord. Not to use Sierra Leone as an excuse, but living there messed with me. I used to think that I had life figured out, and then I went to Sierra Leone and realized that I didn't, and I am still trying to process all that. Sierra Leone took the world that I knew and shook it up.

Last week at TAP room, which is where we get together to pray for the world, a friend mentioned and analogy that I could really relate to. He said that sometimes he feel like his head is a snow globe that God has shaken and all the snow is flying around trying to find a spot to land. I feel that way too. I feel like everything is being shaken up inside my head. This is a good thing. Such a good thing because it needed to get shaken up. Each time it is shaken up, the more Jesus can reveal himself to me and teach me his truths. I am just ready for all those little snow flakes, to find a spot to rest.

So it seems that I wait and rest in God's promise and learn how to wait on the Lord, and allow to him to shake me up and trust that he knows what he is doing.

I think that I will go ahead and post this. Writing my thoughts is the first step to being able to sort through some of these thoughts.