I wrote this in my journal the other day. It was a profound moment and I wanted to share.


"I've given up. Given up on what I am trying to do here in the school. Given up on the fact that anything in the school can change. The challenge seems to great, the task too overwhelming."


As soon as I wrote that, I just felt like God was saying. "perfect, this is right where I want you to be. You now realize that there is nothing apart from me that you can do. I am glad you have surrendered your own inadequacies to me. Only I can change the hearts of the teachers, only I can help these children learn how to read, only I can do the impossible. I'm glad you've given up and gotten out of the way so that I can show you the ways that I want to use you and to work through you."


It's funny, you think that when you are a "missionary" that it must automatically mean that you rely on God. Ha! How easy it is to rely on your own strength and try and accomplish your own plans. I think these moments of forced complete surrender are good. They hurt but they remind you how desperately we need our Lord.